Can you do 3 more?

Being social in the witness protection program

Happy anniversary baby, I got you on my mind…….

Back by popular demand…true story, last week I was at an event and a person I didn’t know came up and introduced himself to say he read my posts and really liked my Once you go black you never go back effort; whoa, you talkin’ to me?

That particular post was written over two years ago; maybe I was on the cusp of greatness and should have hung in there, huh? I coulda been a contendah….

Three years is a long time

Actually, the last 3 years seemed to have gone by pretty quick; heck, I did a 3-year tour in the Army and it seemed like 10.  I seem to be at the end of the toilet paper roll where the years start rolling off more rapidly now.

It could have been worse I suppose, I could have become rich and famous in the last 3 years and turned into a total A-hole and forgot about all my friends. Since that didn’t happen, I just re-upped for two more years with my billdorman.me Go Daddy account in case I ever decide to jump back on the hamster wheel full time. Go Daddy said I would get to meet Danica Patrick if I renewed, but that hasn’t happened yet; I believe they tricked me…

However, March 3rd, 2014 officially marks my 3rd year anniversary; I have to stop by the place every once in awhile to make sure my key still works but I have pretty much moved all the furniture out and had the power turned off not to incur any unnecessary expenses. Of course, this is a cheap free site so I never spent a lot of money anyway…:). There’s nothing wrong w/ saltines and ketchup dip; and the clowns I hang with in real life think this is a delicacy.

I used to leave the backdoor open for the strays that would show up, but just noticed the door has been taken off the hinges and since there is no food around anymore there is not much coming and going anyway.

It’s still one big party

For me it is at least, I thought I was going to get serious at one time but don’t know if I have it in me. Whatever online success I have had was because I loved the networking part, and just like in real life, I still do. It was a way to stay in touch with your friends, some more frequently than others, but you usually got a good feel for what was going on in their lives. Nobody was paying me for all this frivolity and if I would have found a way to make dollars happen it would have been pretty cool, but lack of pay has not really been the deciding factor on my level of activity.

Recently, I have been lucky enough to be selected as a Brand Ambassador from a friend for a book that is to be published shortly; and yes, the author had to increase the cutoff to 1001 requests to get me in, but this person has been the biggest influence on me regarding a social presence and regardless of my invisibleness I still know where to find her and for that I’m thankful. Also, reading this book has opened my eyes and rekindled the spark again so there might be a resurrection after all.

I’m just trying to figure out if I need to hedge my bets because I’m not sure if this internet thing is going to make it or not and how uncool will that be if it looks like I was just jumping on the bandwagon anyway?

I just wanted to say thanks

I’m not really a tech guy but I can be as dorky as the best of them. My strengths are people and the networking part and if that and $5.00 will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks, then I’m all in; Venti Redeye for me please.

Until you’ve done this blogging gig, most outsiders don’t understand; but all the friendships I have made on this journey they are as real as real can be and I really appreciate it. For me, it has been time well spent.

What does the future hold?

Who knows, maybe better hair or a new car; or just appreciating all the talented friends I have access to on this platform.

All I would say is don’t form the line behind me just yet, and even though I might smell like I’m dead I just might have some life left in me yet.

Until next time…

‘Invisible’ in 2013 – outside looking in

The big revelation

Online social has survived without me; albeit barely I assume, but last time I looked it seems to still be here. Amazingly however, when I pulled the plug there was no hangover, no withdrawals; I certainly missed the banter and repertoire, but  didn’t miss the hamster wheel. Also, no one was clamoring for the next great piece of fiction I had threatened to write either…imagine that…

Secondly, it was way too easy to revert back to my extremely busy and ultra-exciting life I had before online social. If you don’t believe me, just check my Facebook posts…edge of the seat kinda stuff, huh?

Thirdly (is that a word Josh?), business-wise I am better off right now than I was at this point last year; but not by as much as I expected. I thought the distraction of social could have been holding me back; apparently, I have to now come up with a different excuse.

Please forgive me

I thought being frivolous and doing a blog for the fun of it was sustainable. It might be for some and probably could still be for me as long as I’m willing to set the bar so low anything is acceptable. If somebody had been paying me for my time then maybe a different story, but then again I guess that is what everybody is trying to figure out so welcome to the club pal.

If I tricked you into signing up or hanging out, I hope you felt enriched in some way by our acquaintance while you were here; I know I sure enjoyed having you around.

But what can I say, these times are a changin‘…..

The landscape has changed

I still see some of my original friends slugging it out, but quite a few have dropped back like me. Is it because the economy is better and people have gone back to traditional jobs or was it too much of an effort in futility?

Also, I don’t know if the new wave that is now jumping in are flocking to the blogs like my group of peeps used to but my guess is the numbers appear to be down. That’s just a Billy assumption however, no statistical data or Google research to back up that statement. I guess if I’m not around then that must mean nobody else is either…:).

What I did learn

You can pretty much go as high as you want and felt like even I was able to crack the code a little bit and rub elbows with some of the elite goober smoochers in here at one time.

Just like most jobs, you have the two-percenters who have figured it out and are very successful by all outward appearances. Then you have the majority that do well enough to hang around but never quite getting to the quit the day job status. We all want to be at the top of the rung, but the reality is at this point pretty much what you see is what you are going to get. Therefore, you better start buying lottery tickets ’cause this is as good as it’s going to get…just kidding; anybody who is in here is still willing to still learn and try to make something of this in some form or fashion. Congrats to those who are still making the effort.

Oh, and by the way it will also require getting out of your comfort zone…and some elbow grease if you want sustainable success.

For most, getting out of your comfort zone is akin to public speaking. Did you know the fear of public speaking ranks higher than the fear of death for most people? I just fear missing my next meal…

What I really learned

In the beginning…it was new, fresh and exciting. Even though we were all different ages, there was a certain neutrality because of the relative anonymity of social and it felt we were all somewhat the same age. Even a creepy old guy like myself felt like I belonged and could act as silly as I wanted.

Now that I’ve been away it’s making me feel my years and question if this is really a younger person’s game after all. It’s much easier to be a spectator at this point than an actual participant. Where is that Easy button anyway?

It looks like the social platforms are here to stay so I’m thankful I at least took the time to master social 101 I suppose. It is still a tremendous networking opportunity and you can even do it sitting around your living room in your skivvies while turning your fingers orange by eating Cheetos; how cool is that?

I coulda been a contendah….

Yep, suppose I coulda, huh; couldn’t we all?

Blowin’, goin’, and growin’…if anything it feels more like a holding pattern now and doesn’t feel like I’ve lost any ground. How about you, do you feel you are much farther along than you were at this time last year? What’s your one big thing for 2014?

Who’s going to make the cut?

3 lessons Richard Kimble taught me about blogging

The hand

You know, The Fugitive, right?

Yeah, it pretty much sucks being the one-armed man. I took a spill on my trail bike so now I’m walking around like Clubber Lang. One important lesson I did learn however; that would have been my head if I hadn’t been wearing a helmet.

Lesson # 1

It is really hard to type anything of length with one finger. I have all these great and witty ideas rolling around in my helmeted noggin, but about half way through actually getting them down on the screen my A D D kicks in and I give up on it. This is much less efficient than the hunt and peck method.

Lesson # 2

Because buttons and shoelaces are a real pain, I have become very efficient at dressing myself. My shoe of choice for the next 2 months will be loafers, and I will button as much as possible before slipping them on; including pants.

Lesson # 3

For a power eater like myself, it’s hard to load a plate and go sit down; especially during the holiday season when you are at the trough trying to socialize too. The good news is, most of it has become finger food anyway so now I can graze and just forget about the damn plate. It’s already dicey enough that I have to put my drink down to dig in, but sometimes sacrifices need to be made, right?

The moral of the story

Don’t wreck your damn bike and get injured while trying to convince the wife now would be a good time to invest in a new decent trail bike.

The real moral is it could have been much, much worse as I had a friend recently succumb to injuries sustained in a bike accident.

Be careful out there, but life is way too short; live it like there is no tomorrow.

Yes, I’m still a big kid even at 107 years old and I will definitely saddle up again; giddy up.

I hope all who are celebrating holidays this time of year, are doing so with gusto.

There you go, 350 words more or less, typed with one finger.

99 things I love about myself…

Lk Region 2

Wha? It’s not supposed to be about me, but only the things I love? Well that certainly changes everything then….it’s a much smaller list now….

Of course, with a 10 minute timer that might really put the pressure on but maybe it will get me thinking deeper about the things I really do appreciate, but sometimes don’t take the time to stop and smell the roses.

The real impetus (word of the day, just for you Josh) is that I have had 185 posts published from this site, and it would be pretty sorry of me not to at least get it to 200, huh?  I could tell you what I have been doing in lieu of being Mr Online Social but trust me, it’s pretty boring.

Ok, here we go; set the timer:

The 99 things I love or like a lot:

  1. My wife Allyson – even though I think I’m a piece of cake to live with, she has to put up with a lot.
  2. My kids, Will & Justin. I had sisters growing up and never got the brother I wanted until much later; they have been a blessing.
  3. My family, all of them. There is definitely some wackiness in there, but I love them all.
  4. My job – not everyday, but many more days than not. It’s the bomb…
  5. My hair – you didn’t think I was going to leave that out, did you?
  6. My IRL friends – I have different sets of friends depending on the occasion, but know some pretty good peeps.
  7. My social friends – Here too I have different sets of friends, but have met some really super peeps online.
  8. Networking – free food and drink; I love this kind of stuff.
  9. My health – I take no medication, eat and drink what I want and still play to my heart’s content.
  10. The smell of coffee in the morning.
  11. The smell of bacon anytime.
  12. The smell of fresh cut grass.
  13. Baby’s breath.
  14. Puppy’s breath.
  15. A perfect golf shot.
  16. Physical activity that makes you sweat.
  17. Being a handyman around the house.
  18. A soft kiss.
  19. A good hug.
  20. The smell of leather from a baseball mitt.
  21. Helping others.
  22. My FSU Seminoles.
  23. My Tampa Bay Rays.
  24. Reading a good book.
  25. Making someone smile or laugh.
  26. Quirkiness.
  27. Originality.
  28. A perfect sunset.
  29. A perfect sunrise.
  30. Running in the morning before the sun (and heat) rises when it’s nice and quiet.
  31. Surprise birthday parties.
  32. Drinking – no, I’m not an alcoholic nor do I drink every day, but I do like an ice cold beer, glass of wine, or Goose & Cranberry.
  33. Cold water – to drink; agua, nectar of the gods.
  34. Hamburgers – remember Wimpy from Popeye?
  35. Tomatoes – just about any way.
  36. Smell of popcorn.
  37. Boiled eggs – in salad or in turkey dressing.
  38. Fried eggs – sunny side up.
  39. Tabasco sauce – on just about anything.
  40. Smell (and taste) of baked bread.
  41. Cabbage – yep, that too.
  42. Outdoors.
  43. My iPod.
  44. The beach.
  45. Genealogy.
  46. Closing the deal – bringing value to a relationship.
  47. Honest people.
  48. The power of music – songs that bring back good memories.
  49. College football.
  50. Pro baseball.
  51. People who do what they say they are going to do.
  52. Leading by example.
  53. No hidden agendas.
  54. Blue eyes.
  55. Women.
  56. Rumps – you know, buttocks….on women of course…:).
  57. Art/pictures that are captivating.
  58. Onion rings.
  59. Grits.
  60. Driving fast – don’t tell my insurance agent….or wife….
  61. A bird’s nest.
  62. A dog’s unconditional love.
  63. Comedy.
  64. Spring.
  65. Fall.
  66. A shooting star.
  67. Fireworks.
  68. Shooting a gun – but not at people or critters.
  69. College campuses.
  70. My fraternity brothers.
  71. Rice and tomatoes.
  72. Ribs on the grill.
  73. Chocolate ice cream with chocolate chunks.
  74. The still of the night.
  75. Making a difference.
  76. Accomplishing something you worked very hard at – marathon, 26.2 miles, 3:42 time.
  77. Airboat ride.
  78. Clean sheets.
  79. Having someone wash my hair.
  80. A massage.
  81. Time travel – wha?
  82. A fresh haircut.
  83. Chips & salsa.
  84. Mexican food.
  85. Onions.
  86. St Andrews.
  87. Monaco.
  88. Belly laughs.
  89. Loyalty.
  90. Teamwork.
  91. Being the man.
  92. Writing a blog post that someone would actually read.
  93. Mail.
  94. Finding money in a coat you haven’t worn in a while.
  95. Pen pals.
  96. Tampa Bay Bucs.
  97. Frank Robinson - look him up; he was my sports hero.
  98. Johnny Unitas – look him up; he too was my sports hero.
  99. Sincerity.

There you go; obviously somebody likes to eat, huh? And, I’m pretty sure it took more than 10 minutes to put this together so I probably defeated the purpose. And and, there is no rhyme or reason or particular order, but all things I can dig on.

For what it’s worth; here it is.

Cuttin’ grass, my link to the past

I cut my grass, seriously; and the picture above is the exact replica of the rig I’m currently sporting in the ‘hood right now.

Hey you po’ ass, you think we are supposed to be impresssed?

Ok, there is somewhat of a convoluted story behind this post and since this is my house and it’s all about me, here it goes.

Where I stay

I actually live in a gated ‘hood with only 20 lots so it’s probably a pretty safe bet then that I’m the only one old-school enough to still cut their own grass. And of course, my neighbors are probably laughing at me not with me especially on the dog days of summer when it’s freakin’ 95 degrees Fahrenheit w/ nare a breeze in the air and my St Augustine grass should have been cut about every 4th day instead of 7.

Are you stoopid?

Well, let’s just say if a brainiac apocalypse broke out, I might be safe.

Good thing it’s a small yard then, huh?

Hmmm….my yard’s dimensions are 160X170 which equals 27,200 sq feet and if there are 43,560 sq feet in an acre, that means I am push mowing just about 1/2 an acre.

Didn’t you say your mower was self-propelled?

Yes I did, but I also mentioned I have St Augustine and this time of the year I have the mower on its highest setting and it will still choke it out if I just try to buzz through it.

I could have bought a riding mower, but if I’m going to do that I might as well pay for a yard service.

What’s the point then?

Good question.

When I was growing up my dad not only cut our grass every week, but he also went over to cut my grandmother’s grass as well. Do you want to take a wild guess how many times I offered to help? If your guess was less than two, you are probably pretty close.

This is my penance I suppose. I will tell you this, I’ll bet it rivals any cross fit workout that someone would pay $20-$30 to do. If you don’t believe me, I welcome you to come take the Dorman challenge and see what you think. Actually, I’m just trying to get someone else to cut my grass and disguise it as exercise so maybe they will pay me to do it too…:).

Bottom line? I like being outside, even if it’s August in Florida and I like to exercise (even if my fat pasty ass doesn’t look like it), so I can chalk it up as a win. Kind of like doing squats in the gym, hard as hell but still a great exercise nobody wants to do, so another one of those things you develop a love-hate relationship with.

Point two – my wife thinks golf is just too damn expensive. Therefore, if we are not paying a yard guy and she sees me busting my ass out in the yard, I’m hoping it garners some brownie points for at least a couple of rounds a month. Actually, giving her a foot rub while we watch a movie gets much more cred; and being one step ahead of the dog-house is always a good thing, right?

Point three – my dad taught me to be self-sufficient; I know how to fix things around the house. Yes, I could pay someone to do a lot of this stuff, but I like the challenge of doing as much of it myself as I can. And I know most of you think I’m Mr Excitement and just have absolutely no free time whatsoever on my hands; the reality is, I probably have too much and you know what they say about idle hands…..:).

So, do you want a medal, or the chest to pin it on?

Both?

Did you know summers can be damn hot in the F L A? If you try to cut the grass early, it’s still wet from the morning dew and that can make it difficult. If you wait until the end of the day when it might possibly be a few degrees cooler and you can actually catch a breeze, you are probably going to be dodging lightning and rain, and homey respects mother nature.

Ok, then what’s the moral of the story?

I work harder than you?

I’m not the sharpest tack in the box?

There’s really no moral to this story at all?

I used to play little league baseball and fondly recall the smell of fresh cut grass on a Saturday afternoon as we were getting ready to play. It’s not quite up there with bacon, but the smell of fresh cut grass is a good memory for me. It reminds me of play.

Both of my parents are gone, so maybe it’s my thread to the past; the one thing I want to hold onto as long as I’m physically able to.

Or maybe not; I swear to God I think cutting that damn grass will be the death of me, but you know what they say, right? If it don’t kill you it will only make you stronger (I know it was supposed to be doesn’t, but I’m trying to talk Cracker Floridian).

Love-hate; what are you gonna do?

Do you have a thread that holds you to the past?

Do you think grass will ever be legal in Florida?

Meet my friend, Jim Shorts

Huh? Really?

I try to be a give back kind of guy. I actually seek out opportunities where I can give back to my community. Yes, this volunteerism has certainly helped my business but I am serving because I feel it’s the right thing to do. If all you are going to do is be a taker, what fun is that?

I was a long time member of the local Rotary Club, even a Paul Harris Fellow at that. It was a very worthwhile service club and provided ample opportunity to not only give back to the community but meet like-minded business leaders as well.

Sounds like a win-win to me.

Sounds pretty professional too.

Don’t judge a book by it’s cover

There happens to be 4 Rotary Clubs in my hometown, and each one has it’s own distinct personality. I was a charter member in one but eventually affiliated with another because it better fit my schedule. Of course when I changed clubs, I picked this particular one because it was known as the fun club.

I knew it was going to fit right into my juvenile mindset when during the announcements of visiting guests and Rotarians, Jim Shorts was in attendance.

See, the trick is to pick the newer members who have to get up in front of a crowd of 50-70 people and are probably apprehensive about public speaking anyway, to make the announcements and recognize the visitors. I mean, they are literally handing you the sign-in sheet of names as you walk to the podium. Hence the opportunity to get someone to say a name without knowing the joke will be on them.

Have you seen Sir Charles Barkley’s “I’m a dumbass” clip? This is what happens when you are concentrating so hard to enunciate correctly and say the right thing.

Didn’t they catch on?

Oh yeah, because Jim Shorts was always in attendance so it created a tendency to let your guard down once you got past Jim’s name. Public speaking shuts your brain down sometimes…:).

But do you think we would let it stop there? Not when you have the mind of a twelve year old.

But I thought these were professional business people?

Oh they are, and I can’t speak for the ladies but I know the crowd I run with are just about the biggest goofball’s you’ll meet. We can dress up well, but when you peel the onion back we are still those kids with water balloons and flour bombs on Halloween.

BTW – My wife said she didn’t sign up for this and is still waiting for me to grow-up. Hmmmm, I think you grow old when you grow up so I’ll pass for now.

Who else went to these meetings?

Well, Ben Dover was certainly there and sometimes his friend Jack Strapp came along as well. It was always good to see Stu Pudidiot enjoying the fellowship too.

Because it was a mixed crowd and typically clergy in attendance, most of the names were G-rated. But during my time in the club I do remember Bud Weiser, Cole Dusak, Neil Down, Arthur Itis, Jim Nastic and Justin Time making an appearance.

I guess it’s funny how we never got any of those people to join, huh?

What do you think, does humor have it’s place and should only be used appropriately, or should we always look for humor in just what goes on in our everyday life?

But that wasn’t funny…

I know, not really. But it doesn’t take much to make me smile or laugh and there is more that I keep to myself because sometime it’s just too silly.

So, if you see Jim Shorts, tell him I said hello and I’m looking forward to catching up with him again.

Oh no, not the birthday suit again

***Yes, this is the same post as last year with very little revisions; but that’s just the slug I am***

You say it’s your birthday

It’s my birthday too, yeah
They say it’s your birthday
We’re gonna have a good time
I’m glad it’s your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Birthday’s are pretty cool; do you think birthday’s should rank higher than Christmas (if you do Christmas)? I mean, it is your day after all, why not celebrate all of your awesomeness, all.day.long.

Gifts, attention, parties, celebration; it’s all included. What’s not to like; sounds like the bonus round to me.

Yes, August 10th really is my birthday

And even doing a Friday post to proclaim it on this August 10th, 2012. Now, 2013 but it’s still a shameless plug for my bday. 

You’re a big fat turd Dorman; it always has to be all about you, doesn’t it? Yep, still a big do-do. 

Yes, I suppose; but in a somewhat understated way so it doesn’t seem so obvious. That makes it quasi-acceptable, right?

How old are you?

No, the question is, how old are you?

What if I said quelve? That sounds like a little kid’s number to me. Well, if the shoe fits I suppose.

I guess it’s obvious I have some miles on me if I have been working at the same place for close to 30 years. But I haven’t been ‘rode hard and put up wet;’ so there is still some life left in this temple ol’ body. I hit the 30 milestone this year, so yep, still old. 

True story; I got carded at a minor league baseball game last week when I was buying beer. The first words out of my mouth were ‘thank you.’ The guy behind the counter replied ‘we card anybody 40 and under.’ I said ‘thank you’ again and gave him a $5 tip. I don’t have a better story to replace this with so it stays…

No, I don’t look 40 or under but I won’t walk away from a compliment either.

I’ve still got game in case you were wondering however….just ask me.

Is it a milestone birthday?

Nope; just a tweener. But it’s still my birthday so it’s special enough for me. Still not a milestone, but that’s good because the next one isn’t that cool like the other ones…:).

What was your favorite birthday?

For me, it was when I turned 10 yrs old. Growing up, we were only about two missed paychecks from being poor white trash, but I certainly didn’t have a clue. And so what if my grandmother made me a dress shirt I actually wore. It earned me the name woodchuck the one (and only) time I wore it. How many chucks can a woodchuck chuck anyway?

Needless to say, we didn’t throw many parties at Casa de la Dorman. Being the 3rd of 4 children, I was lucky to get hand-me downs. Which sucked of course since they were coming from my two older sisters, but I still didn’t shave my legs so don’t even go there. Still true…

Seeing that I was being deprived, for my 10th birthday my parents decided it would be a good thing for me to have a real birthday party at the house.

Lo and behold, friends showed up….with presents….too cool….

Maybe I could have more than one birthday a year, huh?

In a tie for second, I have had 3 milestone birthdays since I have been married. My wife had a surprise party for me on every one of them and can honestly say I was totally surprised every time.

I might have been born Wednesday, but obviously, it wasn’t last Wednesday…:). What? Whadda mean there is no Santa?

How about you? What was your most memorable one?

Did you just do another post all about you?

Is the Pope Catholic?

I just wanted to make sure you didn’t forget. In lieu of a card with money in it, you can make a direct deposit to my HeyPal account; I will do a shot of Patron for each and every deposit I receive. My HeyPal account is still open so feel free to keep the money coming. 

You suck Dorman

Yes, I really do, but it is my birthday, right? I can do what I want to.

That.is.all.